Warning : Almost Nudity

We’ve denounced crochet pasties before….

And since the designer has done it again…

So are we!

WHAT NOT TO CROCHET:

Go on - try and tell me there’s some modification you can do to redeem this!

Another case of Poncho-derived Child Abuse

It wasn’t bad enough that we tried to maim the Little Blond Cherub (constricting poncho + rambunctious labrador = knocked over child with broken nose)  but yet again, we find a child enveloped in a poncho that will leave her with significant physical and physiological scarring.

First of All, Look where her hands are! The poncho prevents any use of her fingers - if she can untangle them from the decorative yellow  mesh section.

“But Orange = safety!!”. Yep - but the tassels and the sheer weight of this thing pose a) a fire hazard and b) are seriously going to stunt her growth.

 Then we have the fact that its’s Orange.

AND Yellow.

Not only will she (and the community at large) suffer from retina burn in, it’s a mean colour combination to give to a child.

Unless you want them to grow up to be Traffic Sign operators….

Yep - the maker of this poncho is going to the Bad Nursing Home….

We’re just going round and round in circles here!

First Question for today : Do you know what a brainworm is?

It’s a song or a jingle that gets into your head and reverberates around and around… and around…

and around…..

and around.

They can be inspired by things you hear, smell or see…

Second question: Do you know the Song “Dizzy” ?

Third Question :  What’s the worst part about this?

It’s the circles …. they’re hypnotising!!!

Lost in Translation

Japanese Crochet Patterns.

They are really beautiful. Truly.

(I’m trying not to blow a mortgage payment on the full set.)

And the Amigurumi

are soo cute!

How can you resist?

There is an issue with these books. And you are now being Warned.
They’re in Japanese.

Entirely.

In Japanese.

They do come with stitch charts… but all the instructions are in … Japanese.

So, unless you a) are fluent in Japanese or b) have a father who has six Japanese students in his English as a Second Language class ( Hey.. Dad…..) you may have problems…

And if you were to get confused between the Amigurumi Instructions..

and a sweater pattern

because… well.. you really didn’t know any better…..

you could end up with something

Like that……

It’s …a lot of work…. but…..ick.

It’s not fugly… but…. the circle/ear motif things…

not right….

Yarn demonstrating

We have agreed that generally, some of the worst designs are due to yarn manufacturers imprisoning some poor designer in a tower with the taunting promise that they will be released only if they can come up with a use for this newest yarn. The practicality or wearability of the finished product secondary to the need to demonstrate the yarn.

*muh hah hah wah wah wah* *clang of slamming cell door*

At least.. that’s why I think the designer has come up with this:

 (See - the model is begging you to get her out this Thing - and offering you her last few beans if you help!)

I’m not denouncing it as completely Fugly, I actually like the yarn combo and could see this mix deing developed into a car-length swing coat.

I just think it’s lazy to make something that looks like a Giant Swatch Square, especially when it doesnt know whether it’s supposed to be a vest or an apron.

Note to designers - Please make something credible. No matter how much they beat you. Stay true to your beliefs!

Note to yarn manufacturers - Just because it uses all the colours in the range, doesnt make it something to crochet!!

How to punish a Cheating Man…

I don’t think I can find the words to describe this…

I’ll just show you instead:

Shoot this?

For those who liked the Crocheted Stock Cover,

We give you the Crocheted Trophy to display afterwards!

“Oh yes, Honey I brought down the big one! 400gms of Red Heart Beige!”

Hello Kitty

And if this isn’t the most bastardised use of a logo and crochet…….. …..

I am pretty sure I don’t know what is.

Cronos…oh nos!!

The Lion Brand fashion show is guaranteed to be full of things not to knit and crochet.

This piece caught my eye.

I find the torso area…hideous. Doesn’t it look like it’s on backwards?

Then the floofy skirt area…..it looks like coral reef. or something. i’m so stunned.

This is a tunic.  Looks like someone got drunk/high and then decided to do something “constructive” with their gauge swatches.  this poor model looks like she got attacked.

Fungus as an Artform

Somebody, 

Please,

 tell me:

Is this a scarf or is it Jewellery?

and I’m not sure that it’ll be any less WTF?!?!?! if I know.

This makes the wearer look like she’s got some kind of tree fungus growing round her neck.

Design Tip: Thats not good.