“I’m *Actually* Naked” Lace Tops

Another one from “Amazing Crochet” that just makes you scratch your head. Why do they make these revolving graphics anyways? It really does NOTHING for the top at all except give you the 360 degree view of the fug in all its glory… Not to mention make it that much more hilarious on this site! Really, this one is not that *ugly* but again, how do you wear this? Over another top perhaps? Love how the mannequin is bare-naked under it too…who in the real world is going to wear it this way unless you’re a pop star or something and even then, most would have to wear something under it. I don’t think even Christina Aguilera or Mariah Carey would wear it the way it is. I mean, look at the left side of this…one teeny tiny little piece just barely covers her nipple…how do you keep that in place? Oh, right, tape!! DUH! Anyways, you decide…what do you think? And hey, don’t get any ideas about the necklace, it’s NOT included in the price of $45 US with free shipping!

24 Comments to ““I’m *Actually* Naked” Lace Tops”

  1. Too many mai-tais, too much desperation about what to do with all those raggedy old doilies, too little common sense—oh, the humanity!!!

  2. Isn’t this a scam in the making? I’m concerned that some dishonest person is going to don this and start collecting donations, pretending to be a Hurricane Katrina refugee.

  3. I hate doilies. But, in an artistic kinda way, I sorta like this top. Of course, I’m not imagining my nudity beneath it, but with a tank under it… Ok, it’d still hurt to look at, but it’d be a _good_ hurt.

  4. So, is the necklace for sale, too… because it’s really a much more salable item than the peek-a-boob top.

  5. All the stuff on that site is FUG! Not only FUG but bad designs. I don’t see this looking good even over another top. The only thing “amazing about this stuff is that anyone would purchase them.

  6. Frightening!

    But what I really want to know is: Where did they get that David Bowie manequin?!?

    (On second thought, I could actually see this on HIM…)

  7. I got to be honest, I kind of like this one. I see this over a very simple bikini and it works for me. Then again I do like the whole free form crochet thing too, just not the octupus hat.

  8. Maybe we were missing the obvious, as has whoever dressed the female mannequin in this: perhaps it’s meant for a dude after all! That would explain the peek-a-boob. Props to Liesel for coining that term.

  9. just crocheting along, just crocheting along, watching my favourite tv shows. very distracting love scene, but that won’t stop my hook from flying. now lets see, oh, i did THAT? oh well, i’ll just stitch this part here, and that over there, yeah, that should fit some really slim chick and i’ll charge her the $10 it cost me for the yarn/thread and the $30 for those dvd rentals that i watched while making it, and $5 for the petrol, yeah! what’s that? you don’t like the doily i made you for Christmas? oh well, i’ll just slap that on the front then, there ya go!

  10. Oops, forgot to tell you I thought she was Rachel Welch’s double for that “B” movie about cavewomen. Can’t remember the title…forgetting is a theme at this time of night.

  11. Your weblog is one of the funniest I’ve seen in years. Laughed out loud at every entry. Not that I ever wear any crochet, but I do still have one of those shoo fly covers, 1930s vintage. My 80yr old mother crochets the ends of towels and gives them as presents. I have 10. How can I say “No thanks, Mum”?

  12. Maybe over top of a tank, in any color other than white. Maybe. I’d just snag the damned thing in a club and fall flat on my face.

  13. omg i like how they cudnt get a real person 2 model it how is that spose 2 cover *private parts* u dont want the world 2 see i like the way it hangs but omg lol hehe

  14. So, what if you had a really big nipple? Is there a size change for that? That circle seems a tad small even for teeny nipples.

  15. I think this one would be cool as a sexy garment ‘indoors’…
    Doesn’t deserve all this hate.., does it..?

  16. This would be cute with a big white orthopedic bra underneath it, maybe wear it with some crocheted cullottes.

  17. nipples nipples nipples, wow


  18. Good idea Zippee!

    The big white orthopedic bra would enable those of us who have noticed our perky nips sliding southward to get in on this fashion trend TOO!

    Heh heh…and WE wouldn’t have to spend the evening wondering
    if that square inch covering one nip had slipped or not,
    afraid to cough, move, talk, or sneeze..for fear of dislodging it
    I mean really..would you be able to think of anything ELSE?.

    Fashionistas Unite!

  19. This top is GORGEOUS! I am going to make one of these up, I’ll just wear a bikini top underneath… it is beautiful! It is not really supposed to be functional, more artistic, I believe… I like crocheting to be fun and interesting… it is neat to see that people are trying out new ideas.

  20. The back of the top is pretty. The front, though, inspires a brain-as-ping-pong-ball moment.

  21. I happened on your site tonite and HEE, HEE, HEE I must enjoy reading the comments as I love to crochet and knit. But I must say this is definately for the pole-dancers, and not for a toddler to play dress-up in. May I know who in the world is wearing it!

  22. Ooh man, that is so bad. You couldn’t wear in over something because it wouldn’t really hang right and your sure as heck not going to wear it alone.

  23. I do like the back, I’ll give it that. It’s artsy and reminds me of something from ancient Greece or something.

    And I do *LOVE* some of Ning’s designs, and as such I sincerely hope she never reads this, but as for the front…


    I think this piece is one of those things that would show up on the runway and on mannequins, but I have a hard time seeing it on someone on the street.

    ActuallyI can “see” them in it entirely too easily. Regardless.

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