Warning! Wardrobe Malfunction Imminent !!

Crocheted tops, they just scream VINTAGE, don’t they?
This top pictured below is probably not completely FUGLY

 
but as an example of What Not to Crochet,
The straps on your crocheted top would have to be on the list.
Ok???
 
Do you need it spelt out?
Crocheted string straps = s-t—r—-e—–t—–c———h.
 
What do you think is going through our model’s mind right [...]