Warning : Almost Nudity
Posted by: SB&C on: March 18, 2008
We’ve denounced crochet pasties before….
And since the designer has done it again…
So are we!
WHAT NOT TO CROCHET:
68 Responses to "Warning : Almost Nudity"
March 18, 2008 at 9:29 am
Everyone knows that pasties aren’t any fun unless they have tassels. Yeash.
March 18, 2008 at 9:57 am
I only have one thing to say……WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY! AND AGAIN WHY! ???????????????????????????
March 18, 2008 at 10:26 am
please tell me those are not hairs or poor shaving peeping at the top of the lower triangle (i hesitate to call it thong becuase of the horrible mental image it conjures up!)?
March 18, 2008 at 1:07 pm
I don’t know if I’m more upset by the notion of rough crochet stitches applies to nipples (owie) or the sheer boring nature of these! Shouldn’t pasties be LOTS more fun?
LOL – this would be sexy to a men’s crochet group, but… no, maybe even not then.
And yes. That’s… hair. Yikes.
March 18, 2008 at 2:02 pm
I would crochet a huge beach blanket to cover it up.
My question is what are the pasties attached with and does it hurt when you rip the pasties off?
March 18, 2008 at 5:16 pm
> Go on – try and tell me there’s some modification you can do to redeem this!
Well, black is a better color for lingerie on most skin tones . . . 
March 18, 2008 at 5:40 pm
That’s nothing but a waste of yarn. I mean, why bother at all if you’re so close to nude anyway?
March 18, 2008 at 9:17 pm
General rule: If you need to wax your bikini line to wear a garment, it probably should not be crocheted
March 19, 2008 at 8:14 am
The bottoms are really more disturbing to me than the pasties…
March 19, 2008 at 8:24 am
Hmm, right boob bigger than left. I thought it was usually the other way round…
March 19, 2008 at 8:26 am
Also, how far do you think she could walk before the thong sides started slipping down her hips… and then off.
March 19, 2008 at 10:00 am
This has got to be a joke. they look like ginormous yarn areolas.
March 19, 2008 at 11:55 am
Don’t worry, they didn’t waste MUCH yarn on this!
I just have this sick need to know: what happens when she moves? Does that little G-string thing REALLY stay in place, held up as it is by some crocheted chains tied at the hip? I’m guessing the pasties have some adhesive assistance.
Room for improvement? Well if you’re gonna use 1/4 skein of scrap yarn to crochet a….whatever it is….can’t you at least use a nice color? What is with that butt-ugly purple?
March 19, 2008 at 1:25 pm
“Oh boy!” she said, opening the package from her crafty and slightly insane aunt. “I’ve always wanted purple nipples!”
March 19, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Ok – you dared – i will answer:
In a very SOFT yarn – the ONLY redeeming thing I can think of is that they would work nicely as modesty patches inside a bra to keep your nipples from “popping” visibly.
March 19, 2008 at 8:55 pm
WTF??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Why is that woman wearing coffee coasters on her boobs?
March 19, 2008 at 8:55 pm
What the????? How do they stay on? Or have I had a sheltered childhood!
March 20, 2008 at 8:46 am
I bet they could sell these in bulk to the ladies who work at a “gentleman’s club” if they added some spangles, sparkles and beads and feathers…………….then on second thought…………
March 20, 2008 at 1:19 pm
At least it is not pink or red but it is hideous and would be in
any colour!
March 20, 2008 at 2:09 pm
I have to say
I could actually crochet the whole out fit…
LOL
I guess that does not say much…..but wow a whole out fit ,I could finish and handle making…..hee hee…..
Or I could go and just get a few face scrubbers from my bathroom and my finger tip towel and throw some chain stitches on it and bingo I have my very own outfit.
HAHAHAHHAHAHA
March 20, 2008 at 4:17 pm
OH.MY.GOD. I can’t believe that someone had the nerve to model this er, ensemble. At least the poor gal had the decency not to show her face. By the way folks, that does appear to be hair at the top of her bikini bottom. Ewwww!
March 20, 2008 at 10:07 pm
LOLOLOL ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is most definitely hair!
OHMYGOSH THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOO BAD!!!!!
March 21, 2008 at 2:02 am
Pass the eye bleach, I want to get that image out of my mind, but I think it’s permanently burned into my retinas.
March 21, 2008 at 11:31 am
It’s not even all that imaginative. If you’re going to wear coasters on your boobs, at least use novelty yarn.
March 22, 2008 at 12:24 pm
They should have tassels, I think;) Plus “Fun Fur” for the panties so nobody would think “oh my gosh. did the bikini wax not go low enough?”…..
at least you can use up you scrap yarm that way, instead of throwing out that 2 feet of yarn….
and _how_ do the pasties stay on, really?
March 22, 2008 at 6:18 pm
What do you mean, how do they stay on? They’re pasties. You stick them on with paste.
Do you think that’s how the bottom piece is held on, too?
March 22, 2008 at 6:21 pm
The only way, for me, to redeem this would be to put Diana Ross by her side, staring and touching and calling it “cute”
March 22, 2008 at 7:10 pm
Redeem =
Huge almost cartoon sized bewbies so you really dont know your looking at purple pasties
Shave the pubes
March 22, 2008 at 9:49 pm
add fun fur to the circles and edge around the triangle with fun fur……………..yet another use for the horrible monster it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!
March 23, 2008 at 10:56 pm
That’s ummm… *Headdesk, repeatedly*
There, I feel better now.
At least they didn’t waste much yarn in that. Then again it’s such a complete and utter waste of yarn there’s no redeeming value.
March 26, 2008 at 3:35 pm
ROTFLOL! My first thought too was why in the world is she wearing coasters and a surgical mask …… there?
March 27, 2008 at 1:04 am
They would have been better off using the pasties as coasters.
March 29, 2008 at 10:04 am
You could make the boob pasties as a gift for a nursing new mother. She could use them to catch drips inbetween nursings. They’d be washable too. And if you crocheted a matching laundry bag to hold the circles whilst they spun around the washer and dryer, you’d have a complete gift!
April 2, 2008 at 10:21 am
I would use fun fur, I think. I have to say, I showed this to several male family members, and they all agreed. This is what yarn should be used for, lol!
April 9, 2008 at 12:15 am
Sooooo… last time I checked, yarn doesn’t stick well to things… the sticky stuff, tape, whatever, gets fuzzies from the yarn and stops being sticky. So my question is: What do you do when that happens and something falls off?! Yikes!
[...] NOT FAIR). Anyway, What Not to Crochet just goes to show that it’s even easier to make ugly crocheted things (Warning: link possibly not work safe) than ugly knitted things. Also, since You Knit What? [...]
[...] Really, there is not enough crochet-related humor in the world. Particularly in relation to all the hideously entertaining crocheted things in the world. (So easy, even a newbie can make completely incomprehensible crochet pasties and underwear!) [...]
April 21, 2008 at 10:54 am
I can imagine these on a future “Forensic Files” or “CSI”–a detective finds them under the bed, holds one up to the light using a pair of tweezers, and declares, “This proves it was murder. She knew that when she wore these, her husband would die laughing.”
I watch too much tv when I’m crocheting….
May 28, 2008 at 9:11 am
Once again, the appropriate addition of fun fur is called for here.
June 4, 2008 at 7:29 pm
ebbandflo, on March 18th, 2008 at 10:26 am Said:
please tell me those are not hairs or poor shaving peeping at the top of the lower triangle (i hesitate to call it thong becuase of the horrible mental image it conjures up!)?
Yes! I was thinking the same thing. If you are going to subject yourself to this sort of photo don’t you think you would “clean up” a bit first???
July 20, 2008 at 1:02 am
I say, if you have to have a bikini wax to wear something in public, not only should it not be crocheted, it shouldn’t be worn. So I’m old school on that, whatever.
Who makes this stuff??? Who wears this stuff??? Eeewwwwww……..Where did this come from???? Eeeeeewwwwww……
I need some Pepto-Bismol!
July 20, 2008 at 1:04 am
…and this is possibly the most unsexy swimsuit (if that’s what it is) ever designed!
August 15, 2008 at 12:09 pm
I don’t think I will ever stop laughing!!!!!!! There is a reason why the picture dosen’t show her face.
September 5, 2008 at 5:27 pm
I think these should be made of a nice stout brown wool. They’re obviously meant to keep you warm.
September 10, 2008 at 3:15 pm
I can’t help but imagine what expression must be on that poor models face! Her posture seems to say that she’s none too pleased at the moment. Perhaps she lost a bet?
September 11, 2008 at 4:26 pm
The bottoms, knit in a nice fun fur colored to “match the drapes” could redeem this. That is, if you are looking to knit up a merkin.
The pasties need to be red and white concentric circles.
October 12, 2008 at 5:35 am
A guy would take one look at that picture and say, “Oh nice, she has lids for her cans, one less string to untie.”
[...] there’s no need to mention the pasties , oh dear God, the pasties, and the loincloth [...]
January 23, 2009 at 4:54 pm
The only way to improve it would be to wrap her in an afghan to cover it all up.
March 28, 2009 at 8:32 pm
Hello!
Very Interesting post! Thank you for such interesting resource!
PS: Sorry for my bad english, I’v just started to learn this language 
See you!
Your, Raiul Baztepo
April 30, 2009 at 11:54 pm
Tonight I will have a nightmare that will go something like this: My husband and I are walking on a beach. It’s a lovely warm evening. We stop and spread a blanket on the sand. I’ve been waiting to surprise him with this because of its naughty nature. He lays down on the blanket, I slowly remove my cover-up in a strip tease fashion, and once the bits of string that are covering my bits have been completely digested by his mind, he dies laughing, I die from embarrassment, and the mood is forever killed.
I will NEVER be so bored as to want to create something like this.
May 19, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Black or red, maybe silk sari yarn? I can’t believe I’m answering this seriously… But… nicer yarn, and the “pasties” could be a cuter shape – stars, flowers, we crocheters can make a whole slew of motifs that would make cuter nipple coasters!
As for the bottom thing… ummm, ummmm, ummmmmmmmmm. Nope, can’t fix that. Oh wait! Crochet it out of black and put a smaller version of the pastie motif on the small crotch covering area.
There. all better. Well, not really.
June 20, 2009 at 4:50 am
I must say, I haven’t laughed this hard in a *very* long time! But I do think I have solved some of the questions brought up over time…
Pasties are no longer “pasted” on. Everything is done with DUCT TAPE! No more problems with the paste becoming unusable because of fibers. Simply replace with a new piece of looped duct tape!
For the more “daring” women, there’s the “hat pin” idea of using a long straight pin to hold the pastie on through the nipple ring.
As for the ummmm…. “fluff” problem with the bottoms; this is where duct tape again would have come in handy : – ). No time for a trip to the salon? Simply apply duct tape and…
Thank you for cheering me up. I really needed it.
March 18, 2008 at 8:56 am
I’m not sure what to say…